26 December 2007

Stupid Christmas Season Mail Order Products. Part 3

Today's installment focuses on Shamwow. This comes up not because the product is particularly stupid, but rather because of the incredibly piss poor quality of the commercial. When we saw this thing on TV, my fiancee and I both kept waiting for the Energizer Bunny to come rolling across the screen. The production value is that bad.

Then there is the name: Shamwow. All I think was how appropriately named the product is...it's a sham alright. More like shamwtf.

23 December 2007

Attack of teh stupids!!!!

Just read it. This country has completely lost its handle on common sense. Banning an old guy from a mall for life because he couldn't find his car? C'mon, they should be pretty impressed if the old guy can find his own ass, let alone his car.

Jesus.

07 December 2007

Stupid Christmas Season Mail Order Products. Part 2

Tonight's product is a Billy Mays joint called Mighty Putty. You can watch Billy do his infomercial thing on the web page. $20 plus $9 shipping.

The product itself isn't the usual craptastic fare you see in these ads, it is actually a neat product. It is basically an epoxy putty.

If you know anything about epoxy you know how awesome the stuff is. You have a compound that, by itself, is uninteresting. But, when you add a specific catalyst to the compound, you get a reaction leading to a new compound that can be ridiculously strong. Think of it kind of like cement. Dry Portland cement is just a useless powder, but add water to it and you have an amazing construction tool. Similarly, epoxies are used throughout industry as adhesives, coatings, fillers and so forth.

So, the problem with Mighty Putty isn't that it is a stupid product, it's that it is a product pitched to do things that, while possible, aren't necessarily appropriate. One suggested use is as a filler on a broken tile. Well, yeah, it will fill the missing tile piece, and it will be strong as hell, but your floor will look like a beat up car patched up with Bondo. You're really better off replacing the entire tile with a new one that won't look like ass.

Another suggested use is as a replacement for the missing portion of a cup handle. They tout it by saying you can 'mold it to any shape.' That's true, as that is the basic nature of a putty, but again we have an aesthetic problem. Your coffee cup is a Bondo masterpiece. Great. Why not just get a new coffee cup? They are made of fired clay, and are cheap. Oh and they don't look stupid. And of course we have no idea how the putty handles being washed, and we don't know if there is a possible health risk being used on a food container. I'll just get a new cup, thanks.

Still another suggestion is using the putty as an adhesive for shelving. While the stuff is certainly adequate as an adhesive, you can get a box of literally hundreds of perfectly adequate screws for less money that will do the same job. If you just need adhesive, there are also other options available that might be better, cleaner, cheaper and easier to use. Various Liquid Nails products, for instance.

They show the putty being used for various pipe leak fixes, which is really not a bad use of the product either. The problem there is that it is an ugly fix. As a stop-gap measure in an emergency, it'd be fine. But in the long run, you'd want to have a more professional fix done. Think about a home inspector seeing the sink drain putty fix they picture. Not good. They're gonna tell you to have it fixed right before you sell.

So, yeah, it'll do everything advertised, but in most cases, why would you want to? The real kicker here is that you can get essentially the same exact product from Lowes - Oatey Epoxy Putty - for under $5. If you honestly think you'll ever need something like this, just go to the hardware store and save yourself $25.

06 December 2007

Stupid Christmas Season Mail Order Products. Part 1

Well, it is that time of year again. No, not the Holiday season, the stupid-holiday-product season. Every year as far back as I can remember the TV air waves become inundated with commercials schlepping the most ridiculous crap imaginable. It begins, naturally, right around Black Friday, and persists until a day or two after New Years.

The hope of these TV shucksters, of course, is to take advantage of people who's judgment is impaired by eggnog flavored rum, those too lazy to put thought into gifts, and the stupid. The stupid above all, really. Invariably the commercials for these trinkets attempt to make the products seem like the best thing since sliced bread. In reality, they are usually only marginally better than sliced fingers. Your own sliced fingers. Sliced fingers on your good hand.

The sad thing is that these people will make money. A lot of money. Because there are a lot of stupid people on this planet. The crapola they sell is grossly overpriced for what it is. But even if they were only breaking even on the product, they've built in profit by charging your retarded ass $8 shipping and handling for something that only costs them maybe $2 to ship....and handle, whatever that means.


So, I thought I would chronicle the crap that I see this year and today I will start with Twin Draft Guard. OMG!!! WEATHER STRIPPING!!! ORGASM!!!!

This piece of shit is essentially a towel rolled up from two ends and slid under a door or window. It costs $19 + $8 shipping. Of course, the obligatory 'if you order right now we'll double the number of' spiel is there, so you get two of these glorified rolled up towels for that price. And, yeah, they also throw in the obligatory bonus 'free' unrelated product. In this case an 'over the door hanger'. They somehow come up with a value of $30 for this particular add-on. What a great deal! Three pieces of junk for a mere $27!

Wait a second. I can get 17 feet of good quality weather stripping at Lowes for $6. That's enough to seal the bottom of several doors. Even better, I can use it to seal the sides and top of the door as well, since air doesn't only come in from the bottom. The amazing Twin Draft Guard? Yeah it can only seal the bottom. And the weather stripping is permanently affixed to the door or window, so there is no chance of it coming flying out from underneath the door when you open it quickly. TDG isn't affixed, it is just slid under the door. A loose seal and physics will guarantee that you'll be re-setting it every time you open the door. Fun!

And a quick look at Lowes also turns up a comparable over the door hanger to the one in the commercial for a whopping $10. What?! Surely it has to be worth three times as much! The commercial says so! Right.

So going with Lowes and barely shopping, I have spent $16, compared to the $27 I would have spent on TDG had I been born without a brain. And I got more product and a better functioning product. Common sense for the win!

31 August 2007

Hooray football!!!!

And also, boooooo football!!!

College football started up in earnest last night, which is good. Anyone who doesn't love fall football is a gay terrorist communist Nazi Republican. Unfortunately, the 'feature' game of LSU @ MSU was, in a word, awful. Sylvester Croom's defense played very well. Hard hitting, tough and were in it to win the whole game. But they were on the field the whole game because their offense is terrible. It was as if they had no discernible offensive scheme and were just spinning the Jeff Bowden play-call wheel...which the same results. Their QB threw 6 INT's....you'd think after, say, the first three you might want to seriously consider...I dunno...calling safer pass plays. Maybe set your QB up with high % passes rather than the down field stuff.

Anyway. It is started, so that's good. But football should not be allowed on Labor Day, and especially not for FSU. Sick and fucking tired of these Labor Day games. They suck.

24 August 2007

BBQ Update

Today we went to Mr. T's BBQ on South Monroe. Easily the best ribs in town. Sauce was pretty good, although I wish they would serve the meat un-sauced and have sauce at the tables so you could put your own on. They put a LOT of sauce on. It'd also make it easier to try the different sauces they have, although that is limited to three choices I think.

The macaroni & cheese is excellent. Beans were OK, probably canned. Whatever. It is a bit pricey if you get sides and a drink. And I don't recommend getting the 'slice' of pie. It is good pie (I had the sweet potato pie) but its not a slice, its a little 3" pie that is too small. I was expecting a real slice of a real 10" pie. If you're with a group, buy a full pie and split it up.

I had the chicken/rib combo, and the chicken was really good as well but they chop it rather than leave it whole, which was odd. But skip the chicken and get the ribs.


Oh, and Tiny's BBQ...in keeping with the tradition of all great BBQ joints....burnt down. So I guess it is off the list. We'll just go ahead and put Mr. T's in its place.

27 February 2007

Theme Week Continues.....sorta

So we couldn't decide on a good theme for this week, so we have decided to go with 'view week'. In other words, places we think will have the best boobage to looka at while we eat.

Yesterday was the old stand by, the mall. Viewage was OK, but not really special. Today we went to Panera...or Poonera as we have dubbed it. But sadly, the view was not spectacular either.

Not sure where to for tomorrow, but with this weather there needs to be more flesh exposed! :)

22 February 2007

Latin American Week, Part 4

Day four brought us to Los Amigos, where the old Scales and Tails used to be. Pretty much comparable to La Fiesta, although probably a tad bit cheaper. I had the "#17" by which I mean the Mexican Chicken, which is about all I will eat at a Mexican joint. Chicken strips with rice, cheese sauce, pico de gallo and refried beans. The dish was a bit spicier than at La Fiesta, which is a good thing.

The nachos they had for the appetizer were much, much better than La Fiesta, but the salsa didn't have as much kick, so I guess it evened out.

All and all a decent joint if ya like Mexican.

Tomorrow we're getting free lunch at work, so I think Latin America week is officially over. So, I will sum up, top to bottom:

  1. Black Bean Cafe
  2. Las Brasas
  3. Super Perros
  4. Los Amigos
I forgot to check to see if they had maduros at Los Amigos, but I will rank the other three in order of maduros quality:

  1. Super Perros
  2. Las Brasas
  3. Black Bean Cafe
All were good though.

21 February 2007

Latin American Week, Part 3

Today we went to Las Brasas on the parkway. This is a Peruvian place that also does some Cuban dishes. I had the Tacu Tacu, which is a rice based dish with white beans and topped with a thin steak. Not real spicey, which I was kinda hoping for, but still very tasty. I also got a side order of maduros, which were nearly as good as the ones from Super Perros. Some of the other dishes they had looked interesting, so we're probably gonna have to return there a few times to sample all the goods.

20 February 2007

Latin American Week, Part 2

Today we went to Super Perros, a Columbian hotdog place. It is definitely different fare, but quite tasty. I had the super perro, which is a hot dog with cheese, crushed potato chips, pineapple sauce, and also with mustard, ketchup, mayo and 'pink sauce', which I declined. I did ask for the pink sauce on the side to see what it was...tasted kinda like ketchup and mayo together. Anyway, the dog was good. I got an empenada on the side, as well as an order of maduros. The sides were excellent, and the maduros were the best I have had in town thus far.

Reasonably priced and tasty. On the down side, I got totally soaked when Howie tried to get up from the table and knocked Brian's cup of water over onto me. I'm still cold.

19 February 2007

Latin American Week

Yes the lunch boredom continues. Epic.

So we decided today that we would hit up the various Latin American offerings. Today, we went to the Black Bean Cafe, a Cuban joint. I had the arroz con pollo (cause that's just what I get when I get Cuban) and it was a load. I got the maduros (fried ripe plantains) as a side, cause I love them. I couldn't finish all the rice, but the whole meal was exceptional, and reasonably priced. It will be hard to top this place this week.

Word to the wise though, go with the dinner platters they have, rather than the sandwiches. You get a better overall value and a lot more food.

16 February 2007

BBQ Denouement

(French wordies, fuck yeah!)

OK, so we hit Gerdies and it was OK. Crap-ton of food for the money, but not spectacular grub. Actually, the meat was pretty good, but I didn't care for the sauce. The corn was garlic style like Wilson's, and pretty good. They aren't joking when they call it sweet tea either, diabetics be warned.


Final rankings:

1) Jim & Milt's
1a) Tiny's
1b) Famous Dave's
2) Gerdie's
3) Wilson's

You pretty much can't go wrong with those first three. I probably won't want BBQ for a good long while, although this week made me want to make MY BBQ ribs, which I haven't done in years.


Not sure what next week's theme will be, if any.

BBQ week update!

Yesterday we hit Famous Dave's. Pretty good and cheaper than I was lead to expect. Portions weren't as large as Jim & Milt's but that isn't a horrible thing....at least not for your arteries. Food was good, and the cornbread muffins were excellent.

So, far, I'd rate the fare thusly

1) Jim & Milt's
1a) Tiny's
1b) Famous Dave's
2) Wilson's.

Not sure where or if we'll be BBQ'ing it up today. B-dawg wants to get a nooner, so...

EDIT: We're going to Gerdie's.

This laptop is totally comfy

Cute overload, indeed.

14 February 2007

Lunch Theme Weeks....With Reviews!

So yeah, the lunchbunch have become bored with lunch and now we're doing thematic weeks.

Last week was pizza week. We hit Red Elephant, Decent Pizza, Mellow Mushroom and finally Barnaby's (no lunch on Monday). I'd rate them thusly:

1) Decent
2) Mellow
3) Elephant
4) Dog shit
5) Barnaby's

Decent Pizza is like Momo's...gigantic slices for cheap. They also have Bradley's sausage as an available topping, which wins. The crust is thin, with the outer edge being thick and doughy. I left the outer crust.

Mellow Mushroom is a bit more traditional, thicker crust. I think it is a whole wheat crust. Very tasty. A bit more expensive than Decent.

Red Elephant was like Barnaby's minus all the skeeze. Same crust (beer batter) and cut style. Tasted a little better to me, but I am not a huge fan of Barnaby's. The atmosphere was world's better than Barnaby's....meaning it has been cleaned in the last 20 years. It is a wait-staff place like Mellow Shroom, which means you have to tip, and the prices were pretty high for what ya got.

Barnaby's is stuck in the 70's, which is incidentally the last time the place was cleaned. Efficiency is definitely not something they specialize in there. You are supposed to pick a table first...each of which have a barely discernible, grimy number plate and if you are lucky, a paper menu and small pencil. You're supposed to bubble in on the paper menu what you want, then take it to the cashier to pay (and hope that somebody doesn't take your table in the mean time).

So, you get up to the counter and pay for your food and they ask for your name. Now, first of all, you can't get your drink at this counter or pay for it. Second, they asked your name and don't give a damn about the number of the table you chose...so why did you bother putting that on the menu to begin with? OK, so you're gonna be thirsty of course, so you have to head to the bar area and order your drink - and pay for it - separately from your food. Fine. Great. God help you if you wanted to pay with plastic.

So you get back to your dirty table, assuming it hasn't been pilfered, and you wait. They will eventually call your name over a loudspeaker stolen directly from Charlie Brown. If you can manage to understand what they say on that damn thing, get your ears checked. But wait...there's more insanity. If you ordered a pizza, you have to pick it up at yet another counter (we're up to three now). If you ordered anything else....yup, you guessed it...you go to a fourth counter.

Holy balls that place sucks.




This week is BBQ week.

On Monday we tried out Wilson's. It is a small mom & pop BBQ place that is a bit hard to get to because of a one-way street. The food is comparable to Sonny's in taste. Portions and price were OK, but nothing to get excited about. The best part of the meal was the corn on the cob. They must boil it in a garlic infused liquid and then sprinkle it with cajun seasoning. It is awesome.

Tuesday we drove way out to Tiny's. This place is all backwoods BBQ all the way. And it is awesome. The portions were hefty and the price very reasonable. You even get a complimentary dose of BBQ smoke perfume to take back with you to work. Highly recommend.

Today we hit Jim & Milt's. I got a combo platter with sliced pork and some ribs. I figured it would just have smaller portions of each, but the plate was loaded. It came with beans and a fried corn on the cob. Folks, I'll be dead by 40...if that. But I will have eaten well, and thus lived well. Everything was very good.

So far I have Jim & Milt's just slightly ahead of Tiny's. Tomorrow we're hitting a chain place; Famous Dave's. We'll see how that goes.